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Poem – Journeying Into Mystery

ASH WEDNESDAY

ASH WEDNESDAY

Ashes,
Black, gritty, sooty signs
Painted on the foreheads
Of humanity parading about.
My thumb would be black
For several days following
The signing of so many foreheads,
The dark soot engrained
Within my right thumb print.

Ash Wednesday is a magnet
That draws people, compels people
into the dark oak pews
of equally darkened church naves;
Pews filled, spewing with humanity,
Seeking what? What are they seeking?
What compels them to be there?
To be reminded of their dusty origins?
The dust from which they were born,
Only for their bones to crumble
Into the dust in which they will buried?

Do they come to be reminded
Of their brokenness?
The product of their wretchedness
Inflicted upon others, or
Their own lives shattered into pieces
By  other unfeeling wretches?
Do they come to hear the words,
“Turn away from sin
And be faithful to the Gospel,
Ring for the next forty days in their ears?

All these years of blackened thumbs,
The carbon of this dark, sooty ash
has been absorbed Into my blood stream,
Into my cells, and into my soul.
Yes, I know what this day reveals for me,
As I sign my wife and my son,
And our pet dog whose curiosity
Got her signed and unleashed
A sortie of sneezes and snorts.

The carbon on my forehead,
Is the same carbon of my body,
Which is in solidarity and sameness
With the carbon of my wife, son, and dog,
Roses and dandelions,
Shrubs and thistles,
Earth worms, and wood ticks,
Palm trees and pine trees,
Snakes and lizards,
Sharks and bullheads,
Lions and cattle,
Water, air, stone, and earth.

The ashes are all about our oneing,
All humanity, animal, nature
One and the same, derived
From the one and the same carbon
Breathed upon the universe
By the one, yet three, deity
Over five billion years ago,
When divine incarnated itself
Into carbon, the same black,
Gritty, sooty carbon on my forehead.

(c) 2020, Robert Charles Wagner. All rights reserved.

THE OBITUARY OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

The United States was betrayed in the Senate Chambers today, February 5, 2020. This is my visceral response to the injustice that occurred today.

THE OBITUARY OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Lower the flags to half mast,
America the Beautiful has been gutted,
Its word emptied of all meaning,
There is no jubilant throng singing,
“Glory, glory Hallelujah!”
Our nation’s heroes rise
From their earthen graves enraged
And cry out to the heavens,
“Have our cruel deaths been in vain?!”
Their ghosts march en masse
On the nation’s capital to haunt
Those who have betrayed our nation
In the Chamber of the Senate.

Abraham Lincoln holds his head in his hands,
And weeps bitterly for his nation.
All he endured to protect the Union from traitors
Has been destroyed in a single vote.
Our Founding Fathers who had sacrificed all
Watch in horror as the orange faced buffoon
Mounts the steps of the Capital with
The  beloved Constitution of the United States
Attached to the bottom of his shoe
Like used toilet paper.
Tomorrow morning in newspapers
Throughout the nation the obituary is written,
“The United States of America,
Born on July 4, 1776, died on February 5, 2020
In the Senate, Washington D.C.

(c) 2020, Robert Charles Wagner. All rights reserved.

HOLY RELICS

My father and mother at their 50th wedding anniversary party, June 11, 1999.

HOLY RELICS

Holy Relics, not the piece
of dismembered bodies
that my religion adores
and venerates in altar stones
and golden reliquaries. No,
there is nothing so macabre
that smells of the grave
in the holy relics I venerate.

The relics I venerate are those
in two boxes of my parents.
I pour through the contents
realizing that these bits and
pieces were that which my
mother and father treasured
enough to set them aside
for posterity, to remind them
of what was truly holy in their lives.

The bits and pieces contained
within, earrings, some mismatched,
and old watch, photographs of
people long deceased, report
cards, Valentine Day greetings,
death certificates, diplomas,
and old watches, those
crayon engraved construction paper
cards created by my brother,
my sister and I for those
special days in the calendar year.

I hold and touch these treasures
my parents’ eyes once gazed upon,
the sacredness of these objects
transferred into my hands
as I hold and finger them.
My paternal grandfather’s
pocket watch fob which
my grandmother fashioned,
braided from her long
brown hair; my father’s
high school graduation ring,
Turtle Creek High School
long worn away on its surface,
this same ring that served
as his wedding band,
the holy card printed at
my maternal grandmother’s
death held in the twelve
year old hands of my mom.

The sacredness of these objects
tell the stories of my parents’
lives, their loves,  their sorrows,
their hopes, their joys, their
values and achievements.
I finger these sacred reminders
of lives well lived, embraced
by loved ones, friends, by God,
and am cognizant that one
day, I will leave my own
unique bits and pieces,
the holy relics of my life,
to be poured over by my
children, grandchildren,
and those yet to be born.

A High School Journey To Dante’s Inferno

This poem is the result of my ruminating upon my senior high English class at St Bernard’s High School in St Paul. St Bernard’s closed its doors about 10 to 12 years ago. Mr Kolbinger, my English teacher, had us study the first part of Dante’s Divine Comedy: The Inferno. It was a Renaissance nightmare of hellish proportions from whose imagery many heavy metal and death metal groups stole during the 80’s, and, from which horror movie creators continue to borrow.

I must confess that I was watching President Trump speak the other day and I was reminded of a line from the XXI Canto in which a demon bends over and makes a trumpet of his ass (the exact English translation of Dante’s Italian). When we read this passage in class, the whole class erupted in laughter with a sound, which I believed, resembled in volume and tonality, the sound that issued from the ass of the demon. I started to free associate the word, trump, with that of trumpet, and wondered if the root word the President’s surname resembled that of the Italian “tromba” or “trombettista” (trumpet or trumpeter). While I can never know exactly the sound of the fart that Dante described, I hazard a guess that it was as pleasant sounding as what I was hearing on the television.

This poem is not a free association of demon farts and President Trump. I will leave that to you. However, it is a reflection on what I read back in my senior year of high school and how we should heed the words of 14 century Dante in our own 21st century.

A HIGH SCHOOL JOURNEY TO DANTE’S INFERNO

In a high school classroom,
now long vacated,
disused, insects stirring
collected dust its only activity,
we sat, long ago, opening our
copies of Dante’s Inferno.
At Mr Kolbinger’s direction,
we turn the pages
of Dante’s poetic description
of Hell, a downward journey
into Dante’s vision,
painted with the theologies,
the imagery, and colors,
of Renaissance Florence,
his Florentine enemies
strategically placed
and scattered
amidst the nine circles.

We journey alongside
Dante and Virgil, passing
under the sign warning
us to abandon all hope
should we enter, from
which return is impossible,
pass the circle of the unbaptized,
and, the virtuous non-believers,
then those consumed
by lust (among whom
many adolescent boys
saw our own selves),
stepping carefully through
the putrefying recycling
waste of the gluttons,
(are second helpings sinful?)
into the circle of greed,
a screaming horde of
hoarders and squanderers,
bankers and bishops,
misers and the self-indulgent,
addicted eternally to the
acquisition and spending
of untold wealth.

We pause on our journey,
allowing our imaginations
to rest and breathe, before
picking up the staves
of our text books and
continuing our guided tour
by Dante and Virgil.
Then, once more we descend,
Circle Five, a foul smelling
waterway of the river Styx,
ferried over the souls
of the damned,
actively and passively,
consumed by hate,
into the lower depths
ruled by Pluto, the Underworld’s
dark Lord, pass the flaming
tombs of the heretics,
the war makers and
all profiteers of violence,
those shattered by suicide,
and those violators of human nature.
We discover no end to
this Dylanesque Dystopic
nightmare of “Desolation Row”,
and must rest again.

We climb upon the
Reptilian back of Geryon,
the winged monster of fraud,
with his human face,
and scorpion’s tail,
flying steeply, spirally,
down, down, down
into the depths of
panderers, seducers,
flatterers, Renaissance
marketeers selling
Divine Indulgences
and Grace to buying
consumers fearing for
their own eternal souls.
Then to the circle
of grafters, politicians,
then as now, auctioning
their souls and office,
boiling in the tar
of their own greed.
We pass those bent
over by the leaden cloaks
of their own hypocrisy,
the bodies of the damned,
torn and bitten by the
snakes and lizards
of their thievery;
the flamed engulfed
promoters of fraud,
the demonically hacked
and mutilated bodies
of those who sowed
discord; torn eternally
by demons with the
same relish as those
lives of family, religions,
and society they
hacked apart in life.

We take a much needed
respite from the horror
of our journey, reflecting
upon the similarity of
Dante’s Hellish Renaissance
with that of our own Hell.

We then rise upon our
literary journey descending
down past the liars and
the perjurers, the grifters,
and scam artists, to the
vast, frozen lake of the treacherous
damned into an eternity,
encased in ice,
up to their necks.
Among their number,
the betrayers and murderers
of family, friends, and nations;
and, there in their midst,
the greatest traitor of all,
the former angel of light,
betrayer of God all powerful,
with three heads.
Lucifer, consumed by his
own hatred, gnawing
vigorously, viciously, eagerly
in his three mouths,
the heads and bodies,
of Brutus, Cassisus,
and Judas Iscariot.

We carefully navigate
the frozen lake, avoiding
the heads of the damned,
unable to free themselves
from the treachery that
has buried them in the ice,
and climb down the
hairy back of Lucifer,
grasping with great
handfuls the hair to
prevent our own
falling into the abyss.
Down becomes up,
and up we climb,
upward to a distant light,
a light shining from
the classroom, vacant,
empty, a room
emptied of knowledge,
the only thing gathering there,
insects moving through the dust,
settled in piles
scattered here and there.

Dante’s warning to his
Renaissance world is
projected seven hundred
years to our twenty-first century;
the same sins, just a different
century and location,
different players, politicians,
clerics, financers, sinners.
Are our minds as empty
and vacant as this
former classroom, filled
only with crawling insects
disturbing mounds of dust?
Our ears deafened
to the voice of this Florentine
poet of the 14th century?
Are we able to lift ourselves
from the rubble of humanity’s
past, to his vision of Paradiso?
Or, will we find ourselves
only increasing the population
of Florentines’ damned so long ago?

(c) 2019, Robert Charles Wagner. All right reserved.

All Saints Day (and the poem, Portraiture)

In 2015, after another one of my surgeries, I was peering through the family photo albums, especially at night when Ruthie was away at work. I wrote this poem I entitled, “Portraiture.” Here is a little bit of that poem.

PORTRAITURE

Have you ever looked into
the eyes of a portraiture?
In these wells of the soul
lay the expressive depthso
of the human spirit,
the pain and sorrow,t
the hopes and dreams,
the love and the joy,
and peace and reconciliation.

On the picture boards
at wakes and funerals,
I peer into the eyes of
the deceased, trying to
catch a glimpse of what
they were thinking, what
they were feeling at the
various times of their lives
portrayed from infancy
through their school years,f
from courtship to weddings,
from young parenthood
to adolescent parenthood
to grandparenthood.

Generally late at night
when you are off to work,
I love to pour through
my photographs of you,
slowly, carefully savoring
the intricate pattern of
shading, highlighting
your cheeks, your smile,
and most especially,
your eyes,
your dark brown eyes,
in whose mysterious depths
resides the beautiful
portraiture of God.

(c) 2015, Robert Charles Wagner. All rights reserved.

In our church spaces we often have the “official photo album” of Church saints on display in the stainglass windows and statuary. As we look at our “Church family”, their images remind us of who they were when alive and much of what they endured in life. It is not often the “great accomplishments” of their lives we remember, but how they lived their faith in the everyday small stuff of life that intimately connects their lives to ours.

We have a less official photo album of the saints of the Church in our photo albums at home. I encourage you to take the time to view the family saints portrayed in your photo albums, on your computer, or on some digital cloud and look into the eyes of your family saints. Their lives are more intimately connected to ours than those of our official saints. If you gaze into the depths of their eyes, you will discover, as I did that night as I looked at a portraiture of Ruth, the beautiful mysterious portrait of God gazing back at you. At every celebration of the Mass, listen to the prayers immediately following the Consecration, and you will hear that ALL the saints of the Church, including your deceased loved ones, are remembered in the Eucharistic prayer. Celebrate the saints of your life not only on this All Saints Day but every day of your life. When we pass from this life into the next, they will be there welcoming us home.

MEMORIAL DAY 2018 (REMEMBERING BULL RUN)

This poem is a meditation on war. Unless we have lost a loved one in combat, war is a spectator sport for many Americans. It is reminiscent of the first battle of the Civil War, Bull Run. The gentry from Washington D.C. ate picnics overlooking the battle field. They largely believed the Union Army would defeat the Confederate Army soundly, thus ending the Civil War in one decisive battle. I wonder if they choked on their food and drink as they observed the carnage of the battle, and watched their Union Army completely eviscerated by the Confederate Army, gathering up the remains of their picnic or perhaps emptying what they had eaten on the ground before running for their own lives, as the Confederate Army was poised outside of the nation’s capital?

We still love the carnage of war, unless of course, it affects us directly. With the exception of Spielberg, much of war is still just glorified entertainment. Whether it be movies, or television, computer generated games and so on, we picnic as we watch the carnage on our screens entertain us. It is only when someone enters our homes, or  our school, our theater, our shopping mall, our concert site with a weapon of war and opens it up on us that we suddenly experience that which many in the military have experience. Let us remember in prayer those who have died in battle, not only in war, but in the war that is raging about us in our classrooms, our cities, our neighborhoods and in our homes.

MEMORIAL DAY 2018 (REMEMBERING BULL RUN)

War.
A spectator sport.
The gentry of Bull Run
settling on hills
overlooking battlefields,
picnic baskets opened,
food and drink consumed
while watching the poor
slaughter each other on
the ground beneath them.
Those feasting on the hills above
have little at risk, perhaps
making huge profits
at the expense of those
whose bodies are eviscerated by
gunfire, human litter of
entrails and limbs
scattered over the ground
of the playing field,
painted in the color of death.

One year later.
Ground once teeming with life
now teeming with death,
bones of horse and men
still unburied, still exposed
to the human eye,
bleached by the sunlight,
stepped upon by soldiers’ feet
advancing across the same
field only to add their
limbs, their eviscerated bodies
like ragdolls, scattered
across the ground,
their bones piled upon
the bones of their ancestors.
What were they thinking
as they entered into combat,
to be one moment living, breathing,
only to awaken in the darkness
far beneath the ground?

We still play with human lives,
war glorified gaming by
chicken hawks occupying
high places in government posts.
We still eat our picnics
entertained by the death
of others, whether in a
movie theater, on television,
on a computer screen,
watching human beings
slaughter each other
for our own amusement.
Safely watching the slaughter
unless someone with an AR-15
enters our theater, our living
room, our study, and
we discover that our own
bodies are not immune
to the bullets
that scatter our limbs,
our entrails about
our blood painting the
floor, walls and ceiling
in death’s color.
We join our lives to
those lives with which
we played, to find
ourselves alive for a moment
suddenly entering into darkness
the ground piled above our heads,
awaiting the Second Coming.

© 2018, Robert Charles Wagner

SEARCHING FOR CHRIST DURING THE WINTER SOLSTICE.

 

I looked for you

through the plate glass

windows of store fronts,

amidst gaudy displays

of human fantasies

decked out in bright color.

But … you were not there.

 

I looked for you

in homes outlined

with bright lights,

some flashing like

landing strip lights,

others multi-colored

mythologies of

Artic elves, reindeer

and gift-laden sleighs.

But … you were not there.

 

I listened for you

in the music blaring

from speakers in

stores, radio, television,

orchestras and mighty choruses,

a capella groups, cloistered monks,

ancient chant, Baroque oratorios,

classical ballet, and modern pop.

But … you were not there.

 

I watched for you

in cartooned images,

sentimental dramas,

angels earning their wings,

nostalgic cinematic memories

of Red Ryder BB guns,

family celebrations,

Christmas bonuses,

Cousin Eddie and Gremlins.

But … you were not there.

 

I searched for you

in all the time honored

places, sacred crypts,

darkened naves,

manger scenes displayed

under the brightly lit boughs

of pine trees.

But … you were not there.

 

I looked everywhere

for clues to aid me

in my search, and

discovered in the

Gospel of Matthew

where to find you.

 

There you were in the

families suffering from

hunger outside the food

shelves and Loaves

and Fishes.

 

There you were in the

haunted faces of the

mentally ill.

 

There you were in the

homeless  man

begging for money

at the exit ramp.

 

There you were in the

men and women in prison.

 

There you were in the

immigrant speaking

broken English.

There you were in the

battered and abused woman.

 

There you were in the

faces of the frail, time

burdened residents

of the nursing home.

 

There you were in the

lives of those suffering

from broken relationships.

 

There you were in the

tatter-clothed children

shivering in the cold.

 

There you were in the

chronically and terminally ill

patients in the hospital.

 

I laid down my gifts of Gold,

Frankincense, and Myrrh,

before you,

and, worshipped you.

© 2017 by Deacon Bob Wagner

May you have a most blessed Holiday Season!

 

 

WOULDN’T IT BE NICE – A POEM FOR MOTHER’S DAY 2017

My beloved Ruthie. This picture was one of four taken by my wonderful photographer, daughter-in-law, Olivia, and given to me as a birthday present last year.

WOULDN’T IT BE NICE – A POEM FOR MOTHER’S DAY 2017

“Wouldn’t it be nice …”
the Beach Boys serenade,
our dating dream for us,
a life spent together
uninterrupted, focused
only on each other.

 9:15 pm, the song
runs through my mind
as I open the bedroom
door, call out to you softy
to awaken and pause
for your eyes adjust to
the light leaking in
from the hallway before
throwing the switch
to flood with light
the darkened bedroom.

 Another night apart,
much like when we dated.
Luck and schedules may
give us two nights together
in a row, a gift bestowed
every other week, yet,
grateful am I for even
one night with you,
exhausted as you may be
sleeping in your chair.

 Feelings of disappointment,
of dreams cheated cruelly
might be justified to one
of an ungrateful heart.
Thirty of our nearly
forty-three years of
marriage spent apart
in order to just survive.
How cruel a joke to play
on two people so in love.
Yet, I kneel before you
in humble gratitude,
one who recognizes
the tremendous sacrifice
that you have made for
 our children and I.

 A mother’s love transcends,
transcends in ways far
exceeding the norm of
expectations and limits.
Self-sacrifice, never taught
but, seemingly a part of
a mother’s DNA, something
that comes from the moment
of conception, as a mother’s
life flows from herself
to the child within her uterus.

 Not so men, not so is
self-sacrifice a given,
except for the Christ
who, as Julian of Norwich
wisely observed, was both
man and mother.
Only the rare, distinctive man,
my own father one of them,
is given this gift of self-sacrifice
freely and without asking.

 I, your humble student,
kneel at your feet, yearning
to touch the hem of
your nurses uniform,
that somehow miraculously
I may be cured of my own
self-centeredness and
possess the gift of love
that flows so openly
and willingly from you to us.

 I peer out from lighted window
Into the darkened world,
the blessing I impart to you
chasing you as you open
the door to your car.
We smile at one another,
and wave, blowing kisses
to one another as you
drive off in the dark,
much like we did so many years
ago, as the Beach Boys serenaded,
“Wouldn’t it be nice …”

 

 

The Servant Girl at Emmaus – a poem by Denise Levertov

The Servant Girl at Emmaus (painter – Valazquez) Is the painting about which this poem was written by Denise Levertov

The Servant-Girl at Emmaus (A Painting by Velazquez)

 She listens, listens, holding

her breath. Surely that voice

is his – the one

who had looked at her, once, across the crowd,

as no one ever had looked?

Had seen her? had spoken as if to her?

 

Surely those hands were his,

taking the platter of bread from hers just now?

Hands he’d laid on the dying and made them well?

 

Surely that face – ?

 

The man they’d crucified for sedition and blasphemy.

The man whose body disappeared from its tomb.

The man it was rumored now some women had seen this morning,

alive?

 

Those who had brought this stranger home to their table

don’t recognize yet with whom they sit.

But she is in the kitchen, absently touching

the winejug she’s to take in,

a young Black servant intently listening.

 

swings round and sees

the light around him

and is sure.[1]

[1] ‘The Servant-Girl at Emmaus.’ The painting is in the collection of Russborough House, County Wicklow, Ireland. Before it was cleaned, the subject was not apparent: only when the figures at table in a room behind her were revealed was her previously ambiguous expression clearly legible as acutely attentive.

Pictures and a Poem for Ruthie on Mother’s Day

ruth 57
Ruthie and Andy, 1975.

HOW WAS I TO KNOW

How was I to know

that when first I saw you

my life would be changed forever?

How was I to know?

 

 

How was I to know

that your warmth

and your love

would fill me with such happiness?

How was I to know?

 ruth 78

Ruth and Luke, 1977.

How was I to know

that my heart, my very breath,

would be so intimately joined

 to yours when we got married?

How was I to know?

ruth 79
Ruth and Meg, 1981.

How was I to know

that when our children were born,

you would become

the greatest teacher of love to me?

How was I to know?

ruth and beth 2
Ruth and Beth, 1984.

How was I to know

that you would be for me

my greatest lover and friend,

my greatest healer and counselor?

How was I to know?

 

 

This I do know.

From the first moment you said, “hello,”

my life has been so utterly blessed,

so beautifully fulfilled,

so filled with joy and peace.

This I do know.

That the love I have for you,

who are my sun,

around which my life revolves,

will never cease but continue

long after I have ceased to be.

This I do know.

(c) Deacon Bob Wagner OFS. All rights reserved.