This past Saturday and Sunday, I had the chameleon role in the Passion, proclaiming lines from Peter, Pilate, the unrepentant thief, the repentant thief, and the centurion. Early on in the Passion, the one line I spoke that resonated with me was Peter’s response to Jesus’ telling the disciples of his impending arrest and death. Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, I am prepared to go to prison and to die with you.” We all know how well that turned out for Peter. It was to be much later in his life that Peter would fulfill the words he spoke to Jesus that night.
Many would fault Peter for being a coward and denying Jesus in order to save his own skin. The question that arose in my mind as I read Peter’s response to Jesus at the Last Supper was would I be as full of the same bravado as Peter? When it comes to being true to my faith in Jesus, do I turn and abandon Jesus when I am forced to confront the injustices around me in the world and in the Church? Am I willing to sacrifice all in order to be faithful to Jesus? To I have the fortitude of the early Church martyrs, or, for that matter, the fortitude of Archbishop Oscar Romero who not only confronted the evils of the El Salvadoran government, but faced those evils with little or no support from Pope John Paul II and Cardinal Ratzinger?
In forty years of Church ministry, I have seen both the positive work that the Roman Catholic Church has done in the world as an institution. I have also seen and experienced the darkness of the institution’s underbelly. The institutional Church is not the whole and sole embodiment of Jesus Christ. The scandals and shortcomings of the Church as an institution only serves to support that the Church is as much in need of conversion as its human members, and the rest of humanity. The Church is, in itself, living proof of Jesus’ love and redemption for even the most crippled and imperfect of humanity.
What may be lacking in my faith in the Church as an institution, is not lacking in my faith in Jesus. While I might doubt the forthrightness of “holy Mother Church”, my faith in Jesus has never been in doubt. While I have experienced my share of hardships, in both health and life, my faith in Jesus has only been strengthened in those hardships.
However, if faced with imprisonment and possible death, would I back down and flee as did Peter, or would I stand my ground and face the consequences of being faithful to Jesus, to be willing, as Peter said with so much bravado, “to go to prison and to die with you (Jesus)!” I have searched my heart and reflected on this. Though the reality of such a thing occurring has not been part of my life’s journey nor may likely be a future part of my life’s journey, am I prepared to go to prison and die for Jesus? Given the current of the political situation in our nation right now, the mob rule that follows and receives tacit and vocal support from Donald Trump, would I be willing to confront the violent mob his candidacy attracts? I hope so.
I have discovered as I have aged that pain and suffering is a natural part of life. I have learned to accept the limitations that my injuries and illnesses has placed on me. There are some principles in life that are more important than comfort. There are some principles in life that are even more important than life itself. The one overarching principle has been that of the Gospel of Jesus, and doing my best to faithfully follow Jesus.
The time may come when I will hear Jesus say to me, “Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” (John 21:18) I hope and pray that if or when that day may come, my faith may not be the empty bravado of Peter from the Passion, but the resolute faith of the post-Pentecost Peter.
