The music I call “Psalm Offerings” are songs that I have composed as a gift to others or in memory of those I love. I have always thought of these songs as a prayer-song for the person to whom it is dedicated. I have also found these songs to be a prayer of healing.
I would like to use as an example a song I composed in memory of my brother, Bill. Siblings are bonded together by love. As with most siblings, I loved and still love my brother, Bill. However, I disliked some of what he did with his life. Bill was addicted to two substances, alcohol and tobacco. It was his abuse of both of these substances that ended his life at the age of 68 years.
Bill’s abuse of alcohol damaged the relationships he had with others, specifically, his family. It is well known that alcohol has a devastating effect on the brain, and the ability to think clearly. Over a long time, alcohol alters the personality of a person. So it was with my brother, Bill. Alcohol sabotaged his ability to work, his ability to think clearly, and his ability to make good choices. When drinking he was verbally abusive. He was, deep inside, a good person, but alcohol prevented that side of my brother to come to the fore. Alcohol amplified all the worse qualities of my brother and smothered the good qualities.
When I received the news that my brother died, I was not surprised. The effects of tobacco and alcohol over many years of life had destroyed his health long before. I felt two distinct emotions, namely, sadness and anger.
With my dad, mom, and sister, Mary Ruth, dead, Bill was my last surviving family member. I loved my brother and was saddened at his dying. He was now absent from my life. I was angry at my brother because he had so much going for himself. He was bright and ambitious when younger. He had a heart for just causes and worked to better the common good when he was younger, even though, like Cervantes’ hero, Don Quixote, he was a bit quixotic in charging windmills. He had a wonderful wife, three wonderful kids. All of this he abandoned because of alcohol. It was as if his love of alcohol, overruled his love for his family and everything else. I could see it. His family and friends could see it. However, Bill was unable or incapable to see it. I felt anger because Bill had seemingly wasted his life away.
Of course, no one’s life is worthless. Bill had contributed to the world three wonderful human beings, his daughters, Joan and Nora, and his son, Joe. They are truly remarkable people whose lives have made the world so much better. I know he loved him them dearly, and said as much to me. However, from my point of view, his addiction prevented him from expressing that love clearly to them.
It has been a year and three months from the time of his funeral in April 2019. I still felt these two conflicting emotions of sadness and anger toward my brother. I have always remembered my family members by name in praying night prayer. This has not changed now that Bill has died. At the moment of my brother’s death, our loving, merciful and compassionate God healed Bill of all that had broken Bill’s life. I know that Bill is at peace and healed. So, it is not Bill who needs healing. I am the one who is need of healing.
As I was composing the music for A Paschal Journey, I composed a prayer-song for my brother, “At Prayer in the Kidron Valley.” In the composing of this music, the anger I felt toward my brother softened. As my brother is at peace with God, now, so I am at peace with my brother. I still love him and miss him. I regret that his life was ruined and shortened by his addictions. But, I am at peace with him and have moved on.
Here is Bill’s song.
