May 29, 1969 was the occasion of my first date with Ruth. It was a very stormy and rainy night when I arrived at her Uncle and Aunt’s house (where she lived while going to high school) on Marion Street, St Paul. We went downtown St Paul to see the movie, Charly. The way I remembered that night, I wrote in a poem back in 2011.
Pouring down rain drenching the night
as I climb the steps to your home.
With one knock, light from within
greets me,
and there you stand,
the scent of herbal essence from your hair,
your brown eyes looking deep into my soul.
You bid farewell to your Aunt and Uncle,
open the screen door
and step outdoors.
The drenching rain suddenly
frozen in time
as your hand touches mine
and you laugh,|aware of the secret
I have hidden deep within.
“Our First Date” © 2011. The Book Of Ruth, by Deacon Bob Wagner OFS. All rights reserved
Because Ruthie and I were students in a very strict Catholic School, St Bernard’s, Rice Street, St Paul, our first date was a very chaste occasion. Unlike the teen movies, Porky’s and/or American Pie, our first date was more like that depicted in the movie, Heaven Help Us, albeit Benedictines taught at St Bernard’s as opposed to the Franciscans in that movie.
In fact, it took a number more dates before I kissed Ruthie for the first time. Her response was more “what took you so long,” rather than “how dare you!” I think she was wondering if I was really serious about her. With teenage male hormones raging to the boiling point, little did she know how hard it was to restrain myself. I later expressed this in another little poem.
You wonder why
it took so long
for my lips to brush
against your lips.
Like a young child
searching for words,
I lack the vocabulary
to communicate
my feelings for you.
It is not because
you are not appealing
nor a question of
my sexual preference.
Rather, it was
respect for the dignity
embodied within
your womanhood
that makes me hesitate.
Aware of my lust for you,
who am I to sully
with my wanton desires
your beauty and integrity
knowing that once our lips touch
breached would be the dike
that long I took to build.
Little did I know
you were waiting
for that dike to crumble.
© 2011. The Book Of Ruth, by Deacon Bob Wagner OFS. All rights reserved.
It was on that first date that I innately knew that Ruthie was my life companion. While she continued to date others, I was resolute in dating only Ruth. I had many good female friends over that time, but as good as the friendships I had with many other female students and colleagues, it was only Ruth who stirred within me the desire to be with her the rest of my life. In fact, I had one date with another girl, but it was more on the behest of my mother who wanted me to take the niece of a nun friend out to a movie while the niece was visiting her aunt. I had a nice time, but it was only Ruth who held my heart.
In many ways, May 29 is a more significant anniversary for me than is our wedding anniversary. It was May 29th that altered my life forever. It was May 29th that placed a focus in my life, a life I could only envision with Ruth by my side. Up to that time, I entertained a romantic notion of being the starving music composer, composing music and dying penniless in a garret somewhere, at which point, my music would be discovered and I and my music would be honored in the music community into perpetuity (sounds like the plot of a Puccini opera). However, with Ruth as a major part of my future, I got focused on somehow making a living with music, composing music on the side, more as a hobby rather than a vocation, and worked toward actually making a living and raising a family with Ruth.
Of course, I have composed many songs to Ruth over the years. This is the first I composed for her when I was in college studying Music Theory.
The next song I compose for Ruthie was a song that was sung at our wedding in 1974. Over the years, I lost the score for that song, but remembered the melody (modeled in the style of the love aria from Henry Purcell’s opera, Dido and Aeneas … for all the music geeks out there). In 2016, I refashioned that melody into a piano song, with the melody stated in the beginning and end of the piece, and composing a whole new section for the middle of the piece.
I think over our lifetime together, I have composed 7 songs for Ruth. For our tenth wedding anniversary, Ruthie pregnant with Beth, who would be born 16 days later, I composed a song in the manner of Aaron Copland, my attempt at an “Appalachian Spring” a la a fugue.
Yesterday, to commemorate our first date, Ruthie and I went out for a steak dinner. We traveled out of town to a celebrated steak house only to find that it would be quite a while before we could even get a table. So instead, we drove back to New Prague and had the same wonderful meal at our normal restaurant, The Fishtale Grill, where we got a table immediately and were served promptly.
While we waited for our meal, Ruthie asked me what was my favorite time with her. My initial response was,”When we were making babies.” (C’mon, there may be snow on the roof but there is still fire in the furnace … well, given my hair situation, there’s not a lot of snow on the roof, but the fire is still in the furnace). Ruth gave me an amused look as a response.
Tango in F Minor for Ruth, Music for the Celestial Dance, Opus 14, (c) 2020 by Robert Charles Wagner. All rights reserved.
However, I quickly added, “There is not just one moment with you that is my favorite. ALL our moments together are my favorite.” The reason I courted her, the reason I married her, was to spend all my time with her. In my universe, she is the sun around which all creation revolves. With Ruth working all those night shifts as a nurse, and with me working the insane hours of church ministry, we didn’t have many “moments” together. When she would get a Friday night off (twice a month), she often would sit in her chair and sleep. I far preferred sitting next to her sleeping in that chair than in doing anything else. With both of our mobility issues these days, we are spending all sorts of time together now … I would have it no other way.
Of all the music I have composed for Ruth, this one, composed in 2018, remains my favorite. It is the song that reveals my love for her the most.
Every morning, in the prayers of thanksgiving that I pray, I thank God first for Ruth, who is the greatest incarnation of God’s love for me. As I once expressed in another poem much later,
To walk with you,
is to see the
world with different
eyes, colors bursting
through the greys,
warmth on the
coldest of days, your
voice floating, playing
delightfully in the air
alongside until the
sound settles gently,
gracefully in my ears.
We have walked many
steps together in life,
my gait now not as steady,
these days of uncertain
limbs, joints and cane.
In walking with you,
new discoveries never
end, new beginnings
abound, and that
with you, the first
and the finest of
all teachers, learning
to walk is never
fully learned.
“Learning How To Walk” © 2015. Deacon Bob Wagner OFS. All rights reserved.
To commemorate that first date, when I was in college and penniless, I bought Ruth a simple emerald (the emerald is the birthstone for May, signifying the birth of our love) ring. It was not an expensive ring. I don’t even know whether the emerald was real or synthetic. That ring, over the years, has gotten lost. So this year, I bought for Ruth another ring with a real emerald and three diamonds on each side of the emerald on a white gold band, much in the style of the first. It is a simple ring, but elegant likeRuth.
The first great day of my life was when she agreed to go out with me. The second great day of my life was when she said yes, when I asked her to marry me. The third great day in my life was when we got married. From that time onward, every day with Ruth is a great day.
